Nosce Te Ipsum-Know Thyself
This might be a little TMI for some people but this is part of my awakening journey. It might be a little sad but don’t worry, there is a happy ending.
We all have things that we don’t want other people to see. Our dark side: sad, angry, bitter, jelaous, petty. What traumas do we hide deep down inside, festering until we snap?
Learning to heal these traumas is not for anyone but yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you the right way to heal or even how long it might take. Everyone is different.
For me, I turned off my feelings. I didn’t want to feel anything. Feelings or my abilities, for one I didn’t know what they were and it meant feeling not only my own feelings but EVERYONE’S feelings. I self medicated with alcohol when the kids were gone and I didn’t have them to keep me busy. I put on a lot of weight, I didn’t want to be attractive to anyone so I didn’t have to worry about anyone wanting to date me.
But some how, I gave in to someone who said they loved me, told me I was beautiful and amazing…in the beginning. Quickly I was cut off from my friends, I had no control of my own money, I was chastised for questioning where they were when they didn’t come home, I was mentally and occasionally physically abused. And I allowed it. Because that is what I thought that was all I was worthy of.
I’m not sure what made me snap, but I knew I didn’t want my kids growing up thinking this was ok. It took a while but eventually, I was able to end it. I walked away unscathed physically but mentally I took several years to even think about dating again.
During those years I realized I couldn’t love anyone until I loved myself. I spent a lot of time working on my mental and physical health and my relationship with my family. Not until I asked to have my feelings back was I able to heal where I really needed to heal.
As I worked thru issues, I noticed things happening. I started seeing and hearing things like I had as a child. I heard voices and saw people that had passed just as they were in their living days. I felt touches and heard my name when no one was there.
Eventually I found my tribe. Those who don’t think I am crazy when I talk to air or tell them something there is no way I could have known. I am so blessed and thankful for these people. And they have helped me embrace my abilities. After I had an akashic reading I was ok with the trials I had gone through. I signed up for this. Not sure what I was thinking on some of it but I don’t think I would have signed up for it I wasn’t a warrior.
So what I am trying to say is that for me, my journey included trials to make me stronger and ready to be able to stand my ground for the spiritual warfare I am to endure. Not only for me but for those who may not be strong enough to stand on their own.
Embrace your darkness. Learn from it. It will prepare you for your journey.